The Search for our American Cousins – Barry Tobin, son of Phonse Tobin

On a trip overseas in 1970, my brother (Rev) Barry Tobin, decided to trace and meet the Tobin cousins in both Ireland and the United States. In May 1999, he wrote a wonderful account of ‘The Search for Our American Cousins’ followed by his update in 2011.

Since Barry Tobin’s visit to the U.S.A., Michael and Libby Tobin, my daughter, Veronica Shine and I have met and now correspond regularly with Mike Boyce, a great-grand son of Julia Clavin and his wife Judy. They learned of Mary Clavin and her brother James Clavin through the efforts of Barry Tobin, who before the era of the internet and Ancestry.com – used old–fashioned methods and nous to trace these members of the international Tobin Family. [Denise]

May 26th, 1999

In 1964, Tom (1909 – 1969) and Dorothy (1915 – 1999) Tobin made their first trip overseas. Ireland was a must to visit and Tom was determined to visit County Offaly from where his father Thomas (Sr) had emigrated. When they arrived in Offaly, my Uncle Tom enquired from people in Birr whether they knew of any Tobins who lived at nearby Brosna. He was delighted when told of a farmer living there called John Tobin.

On the outskirts of Brosna, Tom saw a farmer atop his horse-drawn hay wagon. He got out of the car and spoke to the farmer. ‘Excuse me friend. I’m trying to find a John Tobin. Would you by any chance know where he lives?’ The farmer looked at Tom and said calmly: ‘And who might ye be now?’ Uncle Tom told him and said it was possible he and John Tobin were cousins. It was then that the farmer got down from his wagon and said with a smile on his face, ‘I’m John Tobin!’ (John was the son of Patrick Tobin, Thomas Senior’s brother). Indeed he was and that was the beginning of a wonderful reunion between the Irish and Australian members of our Tobin family.

Despite the distance, our families are close and the bonds of love and affection are quite deep. Over the years, many an Australian Tobin has experienced the warmth and hospitality of our cousins John (1905 – 1990), his wife Anne (1908-1991) and later, their children Jarlath, (1943 – 2011 ), Mary Ann (1944 – 2008) and Aileen (1946 – ). I had met them in the 1970s and again with my sister Denise, we attended Mary Ann’s Final Profession as a nun in the Mercy Order in Limerick in 1988. Aileen Tobin Cahalan and Jarlath’s wife, Ann Tobin visited Melbourne in 1989 to help celebrate the Centenary of our grandfather’s arrival in Melbourne on August 16th 1889. As a family, we were very thrilled to host them for their visit to Australia.

During Tom and Dorothy Tobin’s visit to Ireland in 1964, John Tobin told him about an American cousin who had visited Brosna some time before. Her name was Mary Clavin (1918 – 2003) and she came from New York. Thomas Tobin’s sister Julia Clavin had emigrated to New York, America in 1900. A widow, she had two children Mary Ellen and James. The Mary Clavin who had visited Brosna was the daughter of James Clavin, therefore, Julia’s grand daughter. John Tobin gave Tom the address and phone number of Mary Clavin. On their way home to Australia, Tom and Dorothy’s ship called in at New York. Tom rang Mary Clavin and she came to the ship. Tom, Dorothy and Mary spent several hours together until the ship left.

In 1970, I went through the United States on my way to Europe. Before leaving, Auntie Dorothy gave me Mary Clavin’s phone number.

My father Phonse used to speak of his relations in America and often mentioned the name ‘McCarthy’. As a child he had heard his father speak of his sister Julia – indeed his sister Mollie was baptized Mary Julia. My father seemed to think that Julia Clavin had remarried and her new married name was McCarthy. But of course as we later learned it was her daughter Mary Ellen that was married to a Michael McCarthy. Mary Ellen (Boyce) McCarthy was James’s sister, therefore Mary Clavin’s aunt.

So I rang Mary Clavin and introduced myself. She would be delighted to meet me and I caught the New York underground train in Manhattan and travelled to the Bronx where I had lunch with her at her apartment. She was warm, friendly and hospitable. We spent several hours chatting and we even went for a walk to see her Parish Church. I could not fault her kindness. However, when I enquired about other relations whose name was McCarthy, she put up all the shutters! She would not tell me a thing. I was very disappointed and tried not to show it.

Several nights later, I returned to her apartment and she and I went to her brother’s apartment. His name was Patrick Clavin (1917 – 1990) He was a very reserved and rather serious man, but quite nice and friendly. We had a lovely evening together and once again I mentioned the McCarthys and my wish to meet them. But once again the reaction from Mary Clavin was negative. One comment she made was ‘I don’t want any trouble!’ What this meant I could only speculate, but it left me so disappointed. I just wanted to meet others whom I believed were my blood relatives. I can’t explain it in words, but that’s what I felt – bitterly disappointed. [As this point in time, Mary Ellen Clavin (Boyce)McCarthy was still alive, living in Duchess County, New York. Her descendants were numerous.]

So I virtually gave up and continued my trip to Ireland where I subsequently met my wonderful, loveable Irish cousins. But, over the years, I never forgot my American relations that I knew must exist. I told my father all that had happened and also my sister, Denise. And on more than one occasion, I said that sooner or later, one of these American cousins will turn up at Brosna. But apart from Mary Clavin, they did not get there.

In November 1998, Libby Tobin rang me requesting any written material and photographs that would help her in updating the Family Tree. The last time this had been done was in 1989. During our conversation, she told me that our cousin Leo Tobin (1932 – 2010) had given her some letters from America that had belonged to his father Leo Tobin, Senior (1902 – 1970). They had been written to Winifred (1892 – 1961), Leo Senior’s older half-sister, by her cousin Mary McCarthy (1881 – 1975) in New York. After Winnie’s death, they had come into Leo Senior’s possession.

Libby sent me copies of these letters. I was fascinated by what they contained. They were short, but very moving to read. The last one was dated in May, 1923 and Mary McCarthy describes her mother’s death (Julia Tobin Clavin). She included what proved to be the information that would help me locate the missing American cousins. She mentioned that her mother was buried at St Raymond’s Cemetery in the Bronx on May 12th, 1923.

I wrote to the cemetery requesting the name and address of the person or persons who owned the grave. If the information was restricted, would they please forward my letter to this person(s)? As events were to prove, this is what they did.

About three weeks later, on Sunday May 9th 1999 – it was Mothers’ Day – at 5.30am, the phone rang beside my bed. As soon as I heard the long-distance pips and the American accent, I knew it was the call I’d been waiting for. It was my long-lost cousin, Patricia Boyce, the granddaughter of Mary (Boyce) McCarthy. Mary Ellen Clavin had married a John Paul Boyce c.1903 and had two sons. Patricia was the daughter of the elder son (John Francis or Frank) and a first cousin once removed to Mary Clavin, whom I’d met in the 1970s.

The jig-saw puzzle was complete!

My first conversation with Patricia (Pat) was a delight and I think she was just as thrilled as I was to discover our family relationship. She told me of her cousin Michael Boyce in Seattle – he was the son of Mary (Boyce) McCarthy’s younger son (James Aloysius). The following day, I rang Michael and again the joy of our meeting over the telephone was great.

Tomorrow, I set off to the United States to meet my American cousins whom I love already. They have been in my thoughts constantly over the past six months and I can hardly wait to meet them.

Barry Tobin, May 26th, 1989.

 

The Story Continues…

I landed at Seattle in Washington State on May 31st, 1999 and was met at the airport by my ‘long-lost’ cousin Mike Boyce. We clicked immediately. For some reason, he reminded me of my brother Gavan. I had the most wonderful three days with him and his wife Judy. They welcomed me into their home and I still remember their kindness. We hardly stopped talking and listening to each other about our American and Australian relatives. We exchanged family photographs and for the first time I saw a photograph of Julia Clavin (Tobin) and her daughter Mary Boyce/McCarthy. Julia was Mike’s great-grandmother and Mary McCarthy, his grandmother.

Mary (Boyce) McCarthy had two sons, Frank Boyce (1904 – 1973) and Jim Boyce (1905 – 1966). Frank became a successful stock-broker. He and his wife Ann Sleder had three children – Donald (1943 – ), Patricia (1944 – ) and Kathleen (1947 – ). Donald is an ex-New York detective as was Kathleen’s husband, Al Grant, who had died recently. Patricia was single. Jim and his wife Mary Michetti had five children – Cecilia (1941 – 1999), William (1942 – ), Michael (1944 – ), Peter (1949 – ) and Gloria (Alexa) (1962 – ).

Mike’s father, Jim, appears to have been a bit of a scallywag. He never went to school very often and often ran away to ride the freight trains across the country. He even rode on the roof of the trains. One of his friends was killed this way when he failed to duck as the train entered a tunnel. However, according to Mike, he was well-loved and admired by many people. People greeted him with a ‘Hi, Jim,’ wherever he went.

Mike’s mother was born in Canada of Italian parents. Mike has many cousins on his mother’s side in and near New York. Mike himself worked with NASA for many years. He was one of 2000-3000 workers, who helped to put the first man on the moon. In fact he worked on all the Apollo space expeditions. Mike’s wife, Judy, worked at Microsoft in Seattle.

Before I left Mike and Judy, I rang his brother Will in New York. Mike introduced me to his brother over the phone. He was looking forward to meeting me. The next day I flew to New York and on arriving at 9.20 pm, I made my way to my accommodation – the Blessed Sacrament Fathers Church in Manhattan. They were wonderfully hospitable.

On meeting Will Boyce, at 57 years old, he was a handsome man, who reminded me of the actor, Vince Edwards, who played Dr Ben Casey many years ago on TV. He was a former policeman of 16 years. As with Mike, we clicked immediately. When speaking to him on the phone from Seattle, I’d expressed my wish to visit the graves of Julia Clavin and her daughter, Mary Ellen McCarthy. More than happy to take me, I still remember the following conversation.

‘Now Barry’, he said in a Marlon Brando-style voice. ‘We’re going to the Bronx to visit Grandma’s grave. It’s a pretty wild area, Barry. But yer got nuttin’ to worry about. Yer in good hands.’ He then lifted his leg to show me. He had a revolver strapped to his ankle!!!

We arrived at St Raymond’s Cemetery and found the graves of Julia and Mary Ellen. Julia died in 1923 aged 59 and her daughter, Mary Ellen McCarthy in 1975, aged 94. I prayed a rosary for the repose of their souls. It was so disappointing that I’d never met Mary McCarthy when I visited New York in 1970.

A couple of days later, I went to meet Kathy Grant, Mike and Will’s cousin, who lived about 60 miles out of New York. Coincidently, Will lived only two or three miles from her. I drove straight to her home at a place called Pawling. She was wonderfully kind to me despite the fact she was still in deep mourning following the death of her husband, Al, in January. He was only in his early 50s and they had been married for 27 years. She was a wonderful person, as open as a book. She was honest, outspoken, warm and friendly. Reminded me so much of the Tobins back home. She had auburn hair and colouring that went with it. I celebrated Mass in her Parish Church and afterwards, we picked up her cousin Will and went down to visit Wrest Point Military Academy. It was fascinating to wander around such a famous establishment, where General Douglas MacArthur had been a famous alumini.

The following day, Will took me to meet one of his uncles on his mother’s side – Uncle Bobby. A lovely man, strong in his Catholic faith, and like Will, loved tinkering with his vintage cars. On leaving Uncle Bobby, we collected Kathy and visited Hyde Park, the famous home of President Franklin Roosevelt. It’s a magnificent mansion built in 1830 on the banks of the beautiful Hudson River. It is surrounded with 1500 acres of glorious parkland, a reminder to me of the gardens at Corpus Christi Werribee. On returning to Kathy’s home, I met her 24 year old son, Alan, (Jnr). Very tall, a fine young man, he worked as a builder. Kathy’s daughter, also Kathleen, lived in Florida and I expected to meet her the following week.

After four days of Kathy’s hospitality, I flew to Florida to meet her sister, Patricia who had rung me at Hoppers Crossing, weeks before. Pat lived with her mother Ann who had moved to Florida with her husband Frank Boyce, when he’d retired. On his death in 1973 aged 63, Pat moved from New York to Florida to live with her mother.

Pat and Ann welcomed me with open arms. Never having married, I found Pat to be very honest and forthright like her sister, Kathy and not frightened to call a spade a shovel! She was very Irish in appearance with her auburn hair. Her mother, in her 80s, was born in the USA, of Lithuanian descent.

Pat drove a big black Lincoln car. During my five day stay, she showed great faith in me by allowing me to use it, while she was at work. I drove it everywhere – even out to visit Cape Canaveral twice. The first time, Ann came with me to navigate and Pat, the second time. They lived at Merritt Island, only a few miles from the Cape. I celebrated Mass at their parish Church, St Saviour’s and by a co-incidence, their Parish priest was an Irishman from Co. Kilkenny by the name of Father EAMON Tobin. His packed congregation was amused, when he introduced me as Father Barry Eamon Tobin!

Ann had some old photographs and postcards, including one of Noel and Anne Tobin on their wedding day. She didn’t know who they were, so I was able to enlighten her by telling her, they were my Uncle Noel and Aunty Anne. Apparently, she and Frank had been given them by Mary McCarthy.

One final coincidence from the trip, while in New York, I went to Queens one day and saw the house where Frank and Ann Boyce and their family lived and grew up. It was in Austin Street. When they were living there in the 1970s, I was stationed at St Anthony’s, Austin Street Alphington.

Over the years, I have kept in touch with my American cousins and perhaps, some day in the near future, one or more of them will visit Australia to meet their Australian Tobin cousins.

Barry Tobin, August, 2011.

 

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